Peace of Mind
by Tuttle
Summary: After Daniel is arrested for the murder of Paul Cramer, Jen fights to keep Riley from drifting away. Nick is distraught over Julie's death and turns to Marcie. UPDATED 5.9.05 Please R
1. Chapter One

Picking up the pieces once again following Daniel's disbarrment and trial was difficult, but it was necessary. The apartment was a mess, the boxes had still yet to be unpacked since Jen and Riley moved in. With one crisis after another, Hudson and Julie's deaths, Daniel's trial, a new serial killer on the loose, there hadn't been much time to do anything. Nobody had really been in their right mind to operate.

Jen watched as Riley silently took a seat in their living room. She wanted to say something, anything, to make him feel better, but was afraid of making things worse. She took a seat beside him, leaving space and not saying a word. "Do you want to talk?" Jen finally spoke. She faced forward.

"Not... really" Riley managed to spit out.

Jen took a deep breath and couldn't help but wonder if Riley blamed her. If he blamed her for his father's going to jail. If she really had killed Paul, maybe Daniel wouldn't have had to. And maybe things would be different now. She couldn't keep herself from thinking that.

"Riley..." Jen said softly again. "I'm sorry."

Riley shook his head. "My father's a murderer. He killed... he killed Paul Cramer. He tried to blame it on you and you would have gone to jail..."

"But I didn't," Jen said. "I didn't, I'm still here." There was silence again. Riley got to his feet and grabbed his coat. "Riley... Riley, where are you..."

"For some air. I'm going for some air."

"Riley..." Jen said standing also.

"Alone." he snapped. "By myself, Jen, OK."

Jen froze and they were both still for a moment before Riley turned and headed out the door. He was hurt, she knew, but she wished he would let her in. She wished he wouldn't shut her out. And she wished that he wouldn't blame her for what happened.

Jen crossed back over to the couch, taking a seat and reaching for the phone. She didn't know if it would help or hurt at this point, but she dialed. At least she might be able to get some answers.

>>>>>>

The cottage was pretty empty now. Julie and Hudson were gone, Nick had moved out, Jen and Riley were living together, she had no idea what had become of Shannon. At least Marcie still had Mark around to share the cottage with, but at that moment, even he had gone out. She was alone. Alone, and bored. She walked aimlessly around the seemingly abandoned house, still remembering the mayhem that ensued there, imagining how it might be if the eight members of the Love Crew were all still here. Julie and Shannon getting on eachother's backs about the low fat yogurt that had been sitting in the fridge so long that it had become fair game and Hudson playing peacemaker. Nick giving Mark a hard time, just to turn around an hour later to joke around with him. She could hear Riley's music playing from the bedroom upstairs that he shared with Jen.

But that music probably wasn't playing now. She had heard the news. It was national. Daniel Colson arrested for the murder of Paul Cramer. She didn't know the details, Riley didn't talk about it. Jen hadn't seen anyone. Marcie knew she blamed herself. She had left a few messages on Jen's cellphone, but Marcie never got a call back. She understood though. With Jen, everything had to happen in time. And when that time came, Marcie would be there for her best friend.

Circling back into the main room of the cottage, Marcie went to sit down at the table. A copy of The Killing Club lay in front of her. She had been so proud of it, of what she accomplished with it, but now it was nothing but a curse. A code for murder. The murders of Julie and Hudson, murders that never would have happened if she hadn't written that book. She didn't want to look at it, but she couldn't put it away. It was her reminder. A reminder that a killer was on the loose and that anyone could be next.

Marcie gently ran the tips of her fingers over the cover of the book as a set of keys jingled in the door. She jumped, but then realized that it was probably just Mark, coming back.

"That was fast," Marcie said as the door began to swing open. I thought you were going to swim..." She stopped. It wasn't Mark at all. "Nick" she said.

He looked terrible, disheveled, ragged. Julie's death had hit him hard. Harder than anyone and Marcie understood. She knew what it was like to lose somebody who you loved more than life. And she understood what it felt like to want to die if you could only bring that person back. Nick had that exact look.

"I hope I didn't scare you," Nick said stepping inside. "I was walking by and..."

"No," Marcie said "No, come in. Sit. I just thought you were Mark for a second. You need to talk?"

Nick ran his hand over his face. "I just... Marcie I..." he was emotionally broken. "I can't do this anymore."


	2. Chapter Two

A/N: This part contains spoilers about Daniel's affair and who he is having it with. Be warned

* * *

Jen didn't know where Riley had headed, but she knew where she  
had to go. It probably wasn't a good idea, but she knew she had to talk  
to somebody. She stepped up to the door, ringing the bell and the  
stepping back. She waited for a moment but then turned away from  
the door, just before it swung open.

"Jen?" Nora said to the girl's back. Jen stopped, turning back to  
face her.

"I... this was a bad idea, Nora... I'm sorry. I'll go."

"Jennifer," Nora said. "Come in. Come..."

Jen moved slowly, entering the house and allowing Nora to close  
the door behind her. "I..."

"Riley is falling apart," Nora said, speaking for Jen. Jen nodded.

"Ever since his Dad went to prison, he's just... I think he blames  
me, Nora. I think he blames me for the whole thing."

"Jen, I don't think that's true," Nora sat her down on the sofa. "I  
think that Riley is just looking for answers. He wants to know why it all  
had to happen. What kind of a dark place his father was in that would  
make him kill a man."

"Do you really think he'll ever know that whole truth?"

"I don't think any of us will." Nora admitted. "And I know that's  
something all of us want. You, Riley, me. But why... or even how Daniel  
could kill a man, frame you for murder, it escapes me."

Jen took a deep breath. "I'm just worried about Riley. He's so far  
away from everything."

"He's hurting" Nora said. "He's hurting and he's confused. I think  
more than any of us. He needs time."

"But what if this causes a relapse?" Jen worried. "He could start  
drinking... using again. If I could do something to help him... and I don't  
do it... Nora, I wouldn't be able to forgive myself. He worked so hard to  
stay clean and this might break him. I'm so afraid that it will."

"I know how much you love him, Jen. And you've kept him strong  
this long. You have to just hope that he can stay that way. You be  
there for him even if he doesn't want you to because... he does want  
you to. It's like with raising children. They might push you away, but  
they want limits. They want borders. They want to know that somebody  
is there who loves them, who cares about them." Nora paused. "Riley  
might seem like he's pushing you away, but he needs you not to give up  
on him. Especially not now. He needs to know this is not his fault, just  
as much as... even more than anyone. He's going to be blaming the world  
for what happened. He's gonna blame you, he's gonna blame me, he's  
gonna blame himself and everyone else. But if you give up on him Jen,  
then that's when he'll be lost. He needs you to keep him from hitting  
rock bottom."

"I don't know how to help him." Jen sighed.

"Give him time. He needs it," Nora paused. "We all do."

>>>>>>

Riley had his way of getting into Statesville. He knew most of the  
guards from his father having been the DA. He didn't need to go  
through the 'proper channels' to see Daniel. Riley now sat waiting in  
front of a piece of shatterproof glass as Daniel took a seat on the  
opposite side.

"I didn't expect to see you," Daniel said to him.

"Yeah, well I didn't expect to be here," Riley said coldly. "I really  
don't know why I'm here at all."

"For answers..." Daniel said.

"You couldn't possibly give me the answers I'm looking for." Riley  
said, hurt. I don't think I'd want to hear your explanation. You don't  
have one that I think would even be close to reasonable."

"Paul Cramer was blackmailing me," Daniel said.

"Yeah, I think I got that much from you in court." Riley said.  
"And there's so much more. I know that and so does everyone else. Like  
why you decided to try to frame Jen for the whole thing. Why she was  
such a convenient scapegoat." Daniel didn't answer him. "You know that  
when I thought she had killed him... you saw how much it was tearing  
me apart. Were you just trying to destroy her, or did you want me to  
fall too?'

"No, Riley," Daniel said almost immediately. "I never wanted to  
hurt you."

"But you deliberately tried to hurt Jen." Riley shook his head.  
"God, Dad, you would have killed her too! You tried! If Rex had come by  
two minutes later, she'd be dead! So tell me Dad, tell me why. Why did  
you do it? To hide an affair? So you had an affair, so what! So it was  
with another guy. So what! So... what. You killed somebody, almost two  
people so that nobody found out that you're into guys? Was your  
career that important to you that it was worth murder?" Riley paused.  
"You know what..." he said "You know what, don't answer that. Don't  
answer that. I already know. That job was worth more to you than  
anything. And now you're here and you know what, Dad? You know what?  
You deserve it. You deserve whatever you get."

"Riley..." Daniel tried to speak.

Riley stood, shook his head. "I don't want to know what you have  
to say. I don't care. You ruined more than a few lives. You hurt Nora  
and Matthew. you hurt Jen and Mark. And you hurt me, Dad. You'll  
never know how much." Riley turned from Daniel. "I'm outa here." 


End file.
